I’m losing everyone

Posted in Uncategorized on December 17, 2012 by mashakosha

Everyone I care about seems to be slipping away from me, replacing me with other people, gradually losing contact. It’s not like I didn’t think this would happen. I just didn’t think it would happen so bloody soon. 

On the one side, there’s the ex. I’ve been close with her for ages, still talking almost every day. Even when she was dating after we broke up. Now she’s crushing on a different person and we’ve not spoken in over a week. Admittedly that’s my fault as I cut her off simply to get my uni work done. Now we won’t be talking for yet another week + 2 days because apparently she’s got no laptop. 

Then there’s one of my closest friends, finding other guys to take up her time all over the place. She’s not one of those sleep with every guy types, I do mean literally just taking up her time. And then finally one of my friends is trying to get it on with one of my other friends.

I may be home but I’ve never felt so lonely.


This is a story of boy meets girl

Posted in Uncategorized on June 14, 2012 by mashakosha

But you should know up front… this is not a love story.

So, here’s a rough chronicle of the last 2 years of my life condensed into a few lines. Met a girl, we pretty much hit it off instantly (after a few months of facebook flirting.) I bought some Star Trek DVDs from her, she took my £30 and my heart. We parted that weekend with the old Vulcan sign, “Live Long and Prosper.” We spent the next half a year seeing one another, getting closer and so on. Our relationship progressed, we fell completely in love. We even went on a holiday together. We discovered things about one another that we hadn’t even known ourselves. We started our university courses, fearless that we would endure.

And then it ended in April.

Since then it’s been a constant dance around what I’ve been feeling about the whole thing. I’ve been wondering what anyone would wonder about a relationship like that, the most meaningful sequence of events in your life thus far. What did I do wrong? Why did it end just like that, with no warning? And there was someone else in the picture too, for her. That probably hit me worst of all.

Then tonight happened. There are certain parts I shall leave unsaid, but it amounted to me feeling like I had to lie to her. For the first time since I met her, I lied. And I did it to try to keep up what I’d been doing ever since it ended. I tried to put on a brave face, make it seem like it wasn’t affecting me. But it was. Even though I was happy for her, even though I was glad she’d moved on – I wasn’t. I couldn’t move on. There had been no reason for any of it and it confused me.

After tonight’s events and words, I feel… free of those negative feelings I had. Though I may still not know what caused the degradation of feelings from her, I know that it was no fault of mine, there was nothing I did wrong. I’m glad for that. 

She was right for me, but I wasn’t right for her. And that’s okay. Because there’s someone out there who’s right for me, and I’m right for them. And I’ll find them.

*Stalker mode engage* >:D

The Ball: Review

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on January 11, 2011 by mashakosha

You find yourself underground in vast, dark ruins. Carvings and various inscriptions in an ancient language mark the walls. At your feet lies an item, lost for centuries and, once in your hands, allows you to control an item known only as The Ball. Though you haven’t done this before, it all feels strangely familiar. After about an hour, it clicks. “This is kind of like Portal.”

That’s the difficulty, you see. It is so very hard to say anything about The Ball without making some sort of reference to the popular first person puzzler. It is by no means an exact copy, and it’s obvious that Portal opened the door for first person puzzling and likely inspired The Ball as well. However, that familiarity is something that, once realised, is difficult to shake and that makes judging it on its own merits somewhat harder.

As already mentioned, The Ball takes place underground in massive, ancient caverns. These areas are beautiful to say the least, even if the copious amounts of brown everywhere is more than a little disappointing. But at least here it is actually necessary and it doesn’t feel completely out of place. Inexplicably lit torches line the walls, casting shadows a little creepily at times and once or twice it even has you wondering if that one shadow wasn’t a just a shadow at all. This is one of the things about The Ball that gets you the first time you play it.

The nature of the game is a strange one. You spend the first couple of levels rolling your Ball around merrily, solving some simple puzzles and occasionally smashing a cute little monkey to bloody pieces. But at the end of each level, it tells you how many monkeys and monsters you killed- hang on, monsters? Well I suppose each game needs its antagonists. So you continue, firing your Ball around, pulling it out of the water and using it as a counterweight in another seesaw puzzle. It’s quite a lot of fun.

Then you come across the monsters. It changes from a relatively slow-paced game into a frenetic ancient Aztec zombie-killing slaughterhouse. You shoot the ball off at a group of them only to realise that there’s another one above you, shooting fireballs at you and taking a significant amount of your health away with each hit. Your only protection in your precious Ball, but now it’s over the other side of the room, with an army of monsters between it and you. So you use your doohickey to pull it back towards you, but it travels far too slowly and before you can really do anything about it, you’re either killed by a mob of monsters, or by the almost impossible-to-avoid fireballs.

Thankfully, the checkpoints are well placed, so you’re never really too far from where you were before. This is helpful, but it doesn’t change the fact that the Ball itself is an extremely difficult-to-use weapon, and cumbersome at that. Often, you’ll find yourself stuck cowering behind the metal sphere, staring at the zombies crammed against the other side, leaving you the difficult choice of releasing the ball to power up your hammer weapon or making a break for the other side of the room and pray that there aren’t any more fireball monsters.

Assuming you manage to survive that encounter, the action will likely be broken up by a puzzle. Sometimes it’s not immediately obvious what you have to do, other times you’ll just be sat there wondering what the blazes you’re doing for far too long and yet other times you’ll think to yourself, “Why on earth did my character come down this far?”

See, that’s the other problem I have with The Ball. Your character is supposed to be a simple archaeologist and I’m sure you’re jumping out of your seats right now to tell me something like “Indiana Jones was an archaeologist too!” and yeah, I suppose so, but he had a gun, a whip and actually had a clue about what he was doing. As far as we know about our guy, he fell down a hole and the man up top said that they’d get him out soon. Okay, so he also told our man to explore a bit too, but curiosity will only make a man go so far. In his shoes, I wouldn’t have even touched the device he picks up at the start. Who knows what sort of trap it could have set off? I digress.

In the end, I’m not entirely sure what to think about The Ball. It’s a good, fun game and quite beautiful at times, but the combat feels so clunky that I’m wary of going back to it when I see it in my pile of games. I’m new at doing reviews, so I wont give it a score and instead leave it up to you to decide whether it’s worth buying or not. My personal opinion and advice to you though; wait for it to go on sale again.

Can anyone hear me? I need some help!

Posted in Uncategorized on February 16, 2009 by mashakosha

So. Half term again. You know what that means? I get me another challenge.

It’s another spur of the moment thing that i thought up only minutes ago when I got up. I should pick a game and dedicate myself to completing it. Problem is, I have so many games that need completing that I can’t pick. I’m going to leave that to you lot. Here is a list of all the games I own that require completion.

Please don't pick ay of the C&C games!

Please don't pick ay of the C&C games!

Now, i know there aren’t that many games there really. That’s because I’m just realising how many of the games I have are multiplayer (or multiplayer enough that they can’t be ‘completed’ as such)

Anyway, posts here (if you have a WP account) or in the forum are appreciated on your thoughts.

I hear singing…

Posted in The Experiment, Uncategorized on October 30, 2008 by mashakosha

It’s all over. I’ve finished it. I know I could have gone on longer, but I forced myself to go to sleep. Real-life intruded on my private activities and ended the experiment. I wish i could have done more and kept going but it had to end. It really is a shame to finish without getting any real, conclusive results, so expect a new attempt sometime in December.

I might as well use this opportunity to tout the j-server podcast. Gamers ranting, as regular grey_painter calls it.

Nobody’s reading this anyway

Posted in Uncategorized on October 29, 2008 by mashakosha

I said I’d update at 6pm. Sadly, I have nothing to update on! Trying to help someone get Universe at War working, though my copy works fine. Um…’s about it really

Phase 2

Posted in The Experiment on October 29, 2008 by mashakosha

At roughly 0900, I started up Team Fortress 2 to commence phase 2. Now, it has to be noted that I did have a slight warm-up period where we attempted to fill the PC Gamer server, but that just devolved into melee fighting until we had about 3-a-side. After that, i serioused the fuck up, got my game face on and all that jazz. At the start of a new map, I picked a random team and class, getting a red medic. To be honest, i should have just stuck with medic, but I realised it wouldn’t be a fair comparison to the damage-dealing heavy, so I changed to demoman (hence the large amount of destructions) and then pyro for the final push on the point. While I still recorded the results of that map, I’m not sure if I want to consider them official. Please leave comments or message me in chat on what you think.

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I did, however, get some interesting scores on Audiosurf.

Same order as the previous batch, first up is the God Hand Credits.

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Click to enlarge image

Sadly, not beaten. At this point I was inclined to not even bother with the rest, thinking that they’d all definately be worse. Nevertheless, I kept on. Ruby next.

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Click to enlarge image

Somehow managed to double my original score. Whatever, I thought, it’s probably an exception.

Somehow, i always forget to do a screen for midnight runner. Anyway, this shows how much I improved on it since last night.

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Up by about 19k. Not bad.

Kitten is Angry and by The Emperor was she angry.

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Score slipped by around 1000 points. It looks like Wonderwall would have to tip the scales one wya or the other.

The result surprised me.

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Click to enlarge image

Apparently, I improved on that one as well.

Well, that’s all I had a proper plan to do, but I’m going to drag this out as long as I can. See you around 6pm when I’ll update next!