Archive for June, 2012

This is a story of boy meets girl

Posted in Uncategorized on June 14, 2012 by mashakosha

But you should know up front… this is not a love story.

So, here’s a rough chronicle of the last 2 years of my life condensed into a few lines. Met a girl, we pretty much hit it off instantly (after a few months of facebook flirting.) I bought some Star Trek DVDs from her, she took my £30 and my heart. We parted that weekend with the old Vulcan sign, “Live Long and Prosper.” We spent the next half a year seeing one another, getting closer and so on. Our relationship progressed, we fell completely in love. We even went on a holiday together. We discovered things about one another that we hadn’t even known ourselves. We started our university courses, fearless that we would endure.

And then it ended in April.

Since then it’s been a constant dance around what I’ve been feeling about the whole thing. I’ve been wondering what anyone would wonder about a relationship like that, the most meaningful sequence of events in your life thus far. What did I do wrong? Why did it end just like that, with no warning? And there was someone else in the picture too, for her. That probably hit me worst of all.

Then tonight happened. There are certain parts I shall leave unsaid, but it amounted to me feeling like I had to lie to her. For the first time since I met her, I lied. And I did it to try to keep up what I’d been doing ever since it ended. I tried to put on a brave face, make it seem like it wasn’t affecting me. But it was. Even though I was happy for her, even though I was glad she’d moved on – I wasn’t. I couldn’t move on. There had been no reason for any of it and it confused me.

After tonight’s events and words, I feel… free of those negative feelings I had. Though I may still not know what caused the degradation of feelings from her, I know that it was no fault of mine, there was nothing I did wrong. I’m glad for that. 

She was right for me, but I wasn’t right for her. And that’s okay. Because there’s someone out there who’s right for me, and I’m right for them. And I’ll find them.

*Stalker mode engage* >:D

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